Bay of Pigs! :)

Men are pigs.

They say that God created Man because he was bored and that He created Woman because he needed a challenge. Come to think of it, this is rather true. Man is the blueprint while Woman is the masterpiece. There have been posts and books and speeches and movies about what a woman wants in a man, but none of them match up to the extensive research that I have done on the subject. There are a variety of different aspects to a man that a woman looks for, and not all of them are very obvious. Over the past 24 years of my life, I’ve come across different women with different tastes but there are a few that are common to every woman. Men can consider this post as an eye-opener and take stock of what qualities they lack, and women can consider this post as an easy read and be amazed at my insight into the female mind. 

1. Sense of humor: Most women look for funny men, and this is where I am serious competition to most of you guys out there!  But be warned, being funny does not mean cracking inane jokes and making complete idiots of yourself. It’s the wit that counts and not your ability to remember jokes. Every situation can be turned around to your advantage while talking to women, and you need to make sure that you don’t overdo the funny-guy act. I’ve preached about this before, and I say it again – make sure you’re laughing with them, and recognize when they’re laughing at you! 

2. Build: Women are very realistic unlike men, and they know that not all men can have a body as hot as Arnie and Stallone. Women do not always look for a well-built, muscular body in a man. You may be a flabby piece of shapeless dough or you could be a thin stick, it doesn’t matter to most women as long as you can live up to the other requirements. Of course, having a sexy body comes as an added advantage.  This is where we men need to learn, and stop looking for Katrina Kaifs and Jenna Jamesons in every woman we meet. We need to be realistic, and not stupidly optimistic. All women are hot, no exceptions! 

3. Chivalry: The concept of chivalry, for most men, stops at holding the door open to women. Wake up, men! That’s not all what women look for in the chivalry department. While walking with a woman on the road, you need to let her walk on the safer side, thus ensuring that you protect her from the splash of water when a vehicle zooms by and also to ensure that you protect her from the occasional hit-and-run, by taking the hit yourself.  Chivalry also can be very subtly displayed by defending her arguments, even if you don’t believe in them, while in a group. this doesn’t mean that you become a sneaky yes-man to the woman. It takes great skill and greater patience to hold your own and also defend her while arguing in a group. Women like that in a man, someone who can argue with confidence and the moment you start backing her arguments, you become her ally. 

4. Possessiveness: Women like men to be possessive about them. It makes them feel special and wanted. Don’t overdo this, because then you would look like a psycho stalker!  Tell her at every opportunity that you’re there for her and that you’d go out of your way to help her out and make her feel that you’re an irreplaceable part of her daily routine. Again, it takes great skill to achieve this, and for more advice on this, mail me. 

5. Music: Women hate tone-deaf men. Every woman has a particular taste in music and it may not always match with yours. Don’t rubbish her taste in music, instead, tell her that your taste in music is childish and that you were just about to change your music tastes to match hers. Listen to her favorite tracks with her, and encourage her to play it again if she wants to. You can pull your hair out later, when you’re alone. 

6. Sex: Do not, I repeat, do not push the woman for a physical relationship. Women are very, very careful in this matter and if you push the wrong buttons (no puns intended) you come across as a sexually-frustrated despo! Be careful! 

7. Family Values: Most women like men who have good family values. Respect her parents and her family and she will like you all the more. Never ever call her dad “Dude!” or “Old Man!” because that will being down your brownie points! 

8. Perseverance: Women like to be pursued with vigor. They hate being ‘flung’ around, if you know what I mean. Send her cute messages every day and tell her how much you like her every chance you get. There’s a thin line between being authentic and sounding desperate, and this is where you need to tread carefully. The longer the pursuit, the better your chances of winning her heart over, because you show her how much you like her and how much of an optimist you are and how much you believe in her. Trust me, it works! 

9. Fighting: Fights are inevitable in every relationship, and when there are situations where you know that the reason is trivial, just take the blame. Just tell her you’re sorry and that you won’t do such a stupid thing again. No matter how big the issue, the fault always like with the man. Ingrain this in your mind, because the moment you blame the woman for the fight and the moment you lose your temper a bit, that’s the end of the relationship. Remember, you’re the loving, caring, chivalrous knight in shining armor. You do not blame the woman! 

10. The Ex- factor: Do not, I repeat, do not maintain contacts with your ex- girlfriends while you’re pursuing a woman, or when you’re in another relationship. Take my advice on this, the reason she’s your ex- is because either one of you did not deserve the other. Women are kind of finicky in this matter, and they take umbrage when you talk to your ex- or even run into your ex- by mistake. In the words of a friend, my ex- was apparently a “dumb fuck” who did not deserve me. I tend to agree! 

Believe me, what matters most is that you should be authentic in your emotions while dealing with women. A woman is a very very clever creature, and there’s no such thing as a “dumb” woman. There’re only dumb men! They can spot your fake smile and ulterior motives mile away. I am a very strong proponent of long-term, fruitful relationships and flings are bad for health. So, remember my dear pigs men, women want authenticity.

Go ahead. May the force be with you!