A friend of mine who is a dab hand at talking nonstop about the evils of
know in those ten minutes that the pitch of my scream can put a
professional soprano to shame?”
This left me in a state of (men)tation. How easy is it for the girls to
lose a guy whom they don’t like at all OR whom they have overgrown. It’s
not hard really. So, to extend the olive branch of chivalry to all the
damsels in distress who are dying to free themselves from the clutches of
an unwanted relationship, here’s a quick guide…
Here is a list of certain “types” of girls which the guys (generally) can’t
stand.
The Laughter Queen : Some girls are just too loud. Just crack a joke and
their laughter will wake up the dead. Guys hate such girls. A girl’s
laughter should be a sweet, syrupy, melodic vibrations of the vocal chords
which should remind one of tinkling wind chimes. So just go HAHAHAHA in a
quite place like a restaurant or a theatre and you won’t find the guy near
you the next time.
The Emotive cow : Guys hate women who cry at the drop of hat. You just have
to get extra emotional on spotting a poor puppy snooping around in a
garbage dump or ask the guy to go out and get some extra tissues while you
cry while watching an emotional movie while he never wanted to see in the
first place. Also when he forgets to call you at 12 am to say “Good Night
sweetie pie” because there was a cricket match, just call him up the next
morning and start crying and ask him at least ten times whether he loves
you or not. That will do the trick.
The Disinclined irritant : Argue. Belittle. Hesitate. Fight. Just say no to
everything he chooses. “How is this shirt?” “Gross!!!” “How do you like
these earrings for yourself?” “Are you crazy!!(give him the are-you-crazy
look)” “Chaat?” “Dimsums.” Guys don’t like it for too long when someone
argues like this. I hate it too. (Embedded image moved to file:
pic25824.jpg)
The Too much Career oriented : Start giving the guy an impression that you
can go to any extend to have a successful career. Even if it means going
abroad, marrying late or higher studies. Very soon you will see the beads
of panic on his head. Guys hate girls who are over ambitious and if he says
that all the goals of a successful career can be achieved after marriage
also, give him that are-you-crazy look again splashed with a spoonful of
you-must-be-kidding look. (Embedded image moved to file: pic29334.jpg)
The tee-hee-hee : This is a hard one to explain. Some girls are just too
“girly”, if you can understand that. They would go “ouch” even if their
finger brushes a wall, they would go “Wow” when all they have seen is a
squirrel climbing a tree and they would go “Oh my God” when the car hits a
tinywiny bump on the road which no one else would have noticed. Such girls
consider themselves to be too sensitive to their surroundings and will
always laugh with a hand on their lips which appears magically as soon as
the lips are parted. This is one category which irritates me to no ends.
The Heroine : This category is very similar to the tee-hee-hees with a
major difference. They are faking it. Tee-hee-hees are genuine
tee-hee-hees. They can’t help it. But Heroines are fake tee-hee-hees. This
is the hardest category to be and you have to be really good to get this
one right. I have known one girl who was an expert in this and believe me
you can’t do it better than her
The Flirt : Who likes a girlfriend who flirts with other boys and compare
you with them? But Beware!! Trying to achieve your goal by being a flirt
may lead to confrontations. This is the easiest way performance-wise but
things might get really murky later on. I would suggest that you start with
the other categories and keep this as a last resort.
The Lady-In-Charge : Guys like it when a girl is submissive and let the guy
directions. So if you really want to piss off the guy, just don’t let him
do all this. Take charge of the situation and make him stand in the
background while you deal with the big bad world.
The Tulsi(Family worshipper) : Bore the guy with minute details about your
family. From your sister’s toothache to your mom’s sudden change in her
hair stylist to your brother’s weird choice of underwear colours, tell him
everything. And, when he starts to tell you about his own family, just cut
him off in-between and start blabbering about your family again. Believe
me, he will hang himself in two days.
The Gay a.k.a “L” : Of course, if you are in a real hurry and can’t breathe
in the guy’s presence, go ahead and tell him that you are a “L”. Tell him
that you fantasize Bipasha and had a steady girlfriend sometime back and
you were just experimenting with the poor guy. Run away before he starts
crying
How to Lose a Girl
EAT GARLIC – Need I say how to eat garlic and when to use it?
TELL HER YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE
If you ever try to say this to your girl friend you have to make sure you
are atleast 5 feet away from her. It is advisable to have a single tea with
bun from the local tea shop before doing this.My friend once used this
trick to lose his girl and The next thing he knew was found sleeping on a
hospital bed lying flat on his tummy. He was about to be taken in for a
minor procedure in order to remove a Size 7 High heel shoe that was
embedded 5 inches deep into his rear (which could have been 3 inches if he
had the tea and bun and caused himself to constipate). It is one (Divine)
feeling when something comes out of back and it is another (brutal) feeling
when sharp things are pushed inside.
TELL HER YOU ARE TRANSFERRED
This is a highly specific case and will work only on a certain class of
Individuals who work in a transfer prone job like District Collector, Sub
Inspector, or a Software Engineer. Under normal circumstances, a person
hearing this comment will be hanging upside down from the Tamarind tree
just to let out the feeling of anger and shame from his brain.
TELL HER YOU DRINK AND SMOKE
If you don’t really do something, you have to be careful when you lie about
it. My best friend most people would call in college as Fruit face. The
most intoxicating experience he has ever had was by drinking the spoilt
milk (served as curd) in the hostel mess. So obviously his excuse of being
a drunk moron who lets out smoke from every opening in his body didn’t
strike too well.
TELL HER YOU ARE GAY:
This is a commonly misunderstood reverse trap. While this works on Men, it
really doesn’t work on Women. This is because a guy’s brain is filled with
nothing but the 3 letters X,S,E (not in that order) while a Woman’s brain
is filled with A-Z, a-z, 0-9,!@#$%^&*() 8,765,917 times (same as number of
copies sold, Pay attention! and oh, not in that order).
arranged marriages once asked me – “How will you know a girl in a ten
minutes meeting? Look at me. If a guy comes to see me, will he ever come toknow in those ten minutes that the pitch of my scream can put a
professional soprano to shame?”
lose a guy whom they don’t like at all OR whom they have overgrown. It’s
not hard really. So, to extend the olive branch of chivalry to all the
damsels in distress who are dying to free themselves from the clutches of
an unwanted relationship, here’s a quick guide…
How to Lose a Guy
Here is a list of certain “types” of girls which the guys (generally) can’t
stand.
The Laughter Queen : Some girls are just too loud. Just crack a joke and
their laughter will wake up the dead. Guys hate such girls. A girl’s
laughter should be a sweet, syrupy, melodic vibrations of the vocal chords
which should remind one of tinkling wind chimes. So just go HAHAHAHA in a
quite place like a restaurant or a theatre and you won’t find the guy near
you the next time.
The Emotive cow : Guys hate women who cry at the drop of hat. You just have
to get extra emotional on spotting a poor puppy snooping around in a
garbage dump or ask the guy to go out and get some extra tissues while you
cry while watching an emotional movie while he never wanted to see in the
first place. Also when he forgets to call you at 12 am to say “Good Night
sweetie pie” because there was a cricket match, just call him up the next
morning and start crying and ask him at least ten times whether he loves
you or not. That will do the trick.
The Disinclined irritant : Argue. Belittle. Hesitate. Fight. Just say no to
everything he chooses. “How is this shirt?” “Gross!!!” “How do you like
these earrings for yourself?” “Are you crazy!!(give him the are-you-crazy
look)” “Chaat?” “Dimsums.” Guys don’t like it for too long when someone
argues like this. I hate it too. (Embedded image moved to file:
pic25824.jpg)
The Too much Career oriented : Start giving the guy an impression that you
can go to any extend to have a successful career. Even if it means going
abroad, marrying late or higher studies. Very soon you will see the beads
of panic on his head. Guys hate girls who are over ambitious and if he says
that all the goals of a successful career can be achieved after marriage
also, give him that are-you-crazy look again splashed with a spoonful of
you-must-be-kidding look. (Embedded image moved to file: pic29334.jpg)
The tee-hee-hee : This is a hard one to explain. Some girls are just too
“girly”, if you can understand that. They would go “ouch” even if their
finger brushes a wall, they would go “Wow” when all they have seen is a
squirrel climbing a tree and they would go “Oh my God” when the car hits a
tinywiny bump on the road which no one else would have noticed. Such girls
consider themselves to be too sensitive to their surroundings and will
always laugh with a hand on their lips which appears magically as soon as
the lips are parted. This is one category which irritates me to no ends.
The Heroine : This category is very similar to the tee-hee-hees with a
major difference. They are faking it. Tee-hee-hees are genuine
tee-hee-hees. They can’t help it. But Heroines are fake tee-hee-hees. This
is the hardest category to be and you have to be really good to get this
one right. I have known one girl who was an expert in this and believe me
you can’t do it better than her
The Flirt : Who likes a girlfriend who flirts with other boys and compare
you with them? But Beware!! Trying to achieve your goal by being a flirt
may lead to confrontations. This is the easiest way performance-wise but
things might get really murky later on. I would suggest that you start with
the other categories and keep this as a last resort.
The Lady-In-Charge : Guys like it when a girl is submissive and let the guy
take on all the worldly responsibilities like talking to the auto-driver,
buying movie tickets, ordering the meals, paying the bills and asking fordirections. So if you really want to piss off the guy, just don’t let him
do all this. Take charge of the situation and make him stand in the
background while you deal with the big bad world.
The Tulsi(Family worshipper) : Bore the guy with minute details about your
family. From your sister’s toothache to your mom’s sudden change in her
hair stylist to your brother’s weird choice of underwear colours, tell him
everything. And, when he starts to tell you about his own family, just cut
him off in-between and start blabbering about your family again. Believe
me, he will hang himself in two days.
The Gay a.k.a “L” : Of course, if you are in a real hurry and can’t breathe
in the guy’s presence, go ahead and tell him that you are a “L”. Tell him
that you fantasize Bipasha and had a steady girlfriend sometime back and
you were just experimenting with the poor guy. Run away before he starts
crying
How to Lose a Girl
EAT GARLIC – Need I say how to eat garlic and when to use it?
TELL HER YOU LOVE SOMEONE ELSE
If you ever try to say this to your girl friend you have to make sure you
are atleast 5 feet away from her. It is advisable to have a single tea with
bun from the local tea shop before doing this.My friend once used this
trick to lose his girl and The next thing he knew was found sleeping on a
hospital bed lying flat on his tummy. He was about to be taken in for a
minor procedure in order to remove a Size 7 High heel shoe that was
embedded 5 inches deep into his rear (which could have been 3 inches if he
had the tea and bun and caused himself to constipate). It is one (Divine)
feeling when something comes out of back and it is another (brutal) feeling
when sharp things are pushed inside.
TELL HER YOU ARE TRANSFERRED
This is a highly specific case and will work only on a certain class of
Individuals who work in a transfer prone job like District Collector, Sub
Inspector, or a Software Engineer. Under normal circumstances, a person
hearing this comment will be hanging upside down from the Tamarind tree
just to let out the feeling of anger and shame from his brain.
TELL HER YOU DRINK AND SMOKE
If you don’t really do something, you have to be careful when you lie about
it. My best friend most people would call in college as Fruit face. The
most intoxicating experience he has ever had was by drinking the spoilt
milk (served as curd) in the hostel mess. So obviously his excuse of being
a drunk moron who lets out smoke from every opening in his body didn’t
strike too well.
TELL HER YOU ARE GAY:
This is a commonly misunderstood reverse trap. While this works on Men, it
really doesn’t work on Women. This is because a guy’s brain is filled with
nothing but the 3 letters X,S,E (not in that order) while a Woman’s brain
is filled with A-Z, a-z, 0-9,!@#$%^&*() 8,765,917 times (same as number of
copies sold, Pay attention! and oh, not in that order).
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